100 LOCKERS IN HERE AND I’M STUCK NEXT TO YOU?

While working out at the gym it dawned on me that if there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. It doesn’t matter how busy the gym is, this will be inevitable.

The question I asked myself was what type of people could I be forced to share the gym let alone the locker room with and I came up with a simple list of my top ten most annoying people at the gym. This list does not necessarily cover every person at the gym but the people who are most recognizable:

1. The GRUNTER: No matter what the weight is, this person must grunt or make an annoying sound as they lift weights. They tend to slam weights down as if they just lifted a car off of a dying child.

2. The DIVA: This girl shows up in the best clothes possible, with make-up on, and tends to gossip and seek attention from males in the gym rather than actually work out. She probably doesn’t even need to exercise but goes to the gym b/c she likes to wear spandex in front of The JERSEY WHORE.

3. The MAN IN THE MIRROR: This person thinks lifting weights instantaneously transforms fat into muscle so they constantly look at themselves in the mirror posing and flexing as if the last 5 minutes just turned them into Mr. America.

4. The GYM RAT: This person seemingly loves to work out but in reality they have no life. This person spends 4 hours in the gym when they could have accomplished the same workout in ¼ of the time.

5. The COURT GENERAL: This person comes to play a sport: basketball, tennis, racquetball, etc… They arrive early and stay late. They have the latest and best gear from headbands to shoes to wristbands and believe that they run the show. They don’t care about people waiting their turn and just take over the court like they actually own it.

6. The SWEATY GUY: This person sweats just standing in the gym. Their perspiration sticks to every piece of machinery or weight they touch and makes other patrons feel like they need a bath in bleach after sharing the weight room with them.

7. The NAKED OLD GUY: This guy is a senior citizen who still goes to the gym and walks around the locker room as if clothes went out of style. His sagging degenerating body are flaunted around the room without any coverage (including a towel) and there is no way to avoid seeing this ungodly sight. Blind vision may possibly persist for hours afterwards.

8. The JERSEY WHORE: This guy comes in smelling of tanning oil and hair gel. He spends most of the time talking to females in the gym or staring at his new orangeness in the mirror. His goal is to be cool, not necessarily in shape.

9. The CELL PHONE EXERCISER: This person is constantly on their phone talking, texting, tweeting, or whatever they can do to occupy their time while running on a treadmill. They breathe harder than everyone else because they are talking rather than exercising. They are so loud that people next to them are forced to turn up their headphones or put a headband on just to drown out their blabbing.

10. The FAIRWEATHER RESOLUTIONER: Shy and overweight, they are extremely determined from the get-go. That lasts for about a week. Usually found in pairs, usually a mother/daughter, husband/wife, a left and a right shoe, etc., they work out as hard as they can for a couple of days and do not return. The cycle then repeats itself the following year, but the crying continues for a lifetime.

It’s just too bad we don’t have coed locker rooms ’cause she (below) could share lockers with me any day…

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