EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME. PARDON ME. EXCUSE ME. THANK YOU

There isn’t a person in the US who hasn’t experienced stadium, arena, theater, airpline style seating where there are aisle seats and inside seats.

I intentionally try to choose aisle seats as a matter of convenience and comfort while there are others out there who simply don’t care what seat they sit in so long as they have a seat. I like the convenience of being able to stretch my legs out in the aisle rather than have them jammed behind some kid rocking in his seat like he just jumped on the Matterhorn rollercoaster at Disneyland. When I unfortunately am forced to sit in an inner seat rather than an aisle seat it’s as if my bladder decided to shrink to the size of a pea. The impending result is either I sit in discomfort until I can no longer wait or constantly get up while also annoying the people sitting in my same row next to me. I can’t help but think as I pass by saying “Excuse me. Excuse me. Pardon me. Excuse me. Thank you..” should I be giving them the crotch or the ass; i.e. should I put my ass in their face as I scurry by or should I put my crotch in their face; for me I think it just depends on how cute the girl is I am passing by through the aisle.

There are a number of things that annoy us in these settings like crying babies, people talking too loud, late arrivers, and fat people who take over your armrest and should technically pay for two seats… This has led me to realize that if it annoys me that much then there must be a pattern to which I now call The RULE OF ARENA STYLE SEATING.

The RULE OF ARENA STYLE SEATING states: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance/game is over. The folks in the aisle seats are very surly; they come early, never move once, have long legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance/game well after everyone has left.

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One Comment on “EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME. PARDON ME. EXCUSE ME. THANK YOU”

  1. Christine Rein says:

    You are comic gold, Professor Money. =)


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